Risky Business

He is getting back next Tuesday. I'm doing my best not to get too terribly excited but it's hard. Unfortunately that is only two days before Thanksgiving so any celebrating will have to be short lived I'm afraid. Then we will both get caught up in our separate families and the obligations that go with them. Even after that I won't be able to see much of him because December 2nd is his audition for the Berkley School of Music. His is applying for their new strings program and will be entirely focused on preparing for the very difficult audition.

I am so nervous for him. It is extremely hard trying to support someone who is doing something that you don't really understand. I want to tell him that he shouldn't worry and that he is most certainly good enough to be excepted but I don't really know that. I know that everyone he meets tells him how amazing he is and I just have to believe them. What happens if he doesn't get in? What should I say? I hate feeling so clueless about something that is so important to him.

He decided to take this step about five months ago. It's funny, I am just finishing school and now he wants to start. Everyone (parents, friends, teachers) gave him hell when he decided not to go to college after high school but he just wanted to play music. Now, after five years of trying to do it himself, he has decided that he has gotten as far a he is able without having a teacher. He needs connections and he needs formal training. He needs this school. There is a lot hanging on this one afternoon, his future and mine. If he gets in then we are both going to pull up roots and move to Boston. I am going to try and get a librarian position and make enough to afford our rent. It will be scary and exciting and wonderful. If he doesn't then we are both going to be adrift in this sea of unemployment. He says if Berkley doesn't come through he wont leave the south. That means I have to try and find a job and a life after college in some small southern town where I will have to get a job substitute teaching and spend my nights listening to his frustration and resentment boil under his skin.
A coworker told me just last night not to " put all my eggs in one basket" but that is what we have done. Life is so damn scary.